BBHSing is Hard, Part 1

When we ultimately came to realize our kids needed homeschooling, I was a totally newbie. I literally started out with the web search “What is homeschooling?”

Photo by Andrew Neel on Pexels.com

Wow, did I have a lot to learn back then. Based on rose-colored accounts of homeschooling in blogs and message boards for newbies, I started out thinking classical education would be best for our family. I started out thinking it wouldn’t be hard to make connections. I started out thinking coops were common wherever homeschoolers were. I was so optimistic, unprepared and naive. (Optimism has been one of my faults for a long time.)

Learning that homeschooling is not homogeneous* was probably my first surprise. Given how welcoming everyone sounded online when discussing homeschooling, I really was unprepared for the tension between various philosophical tribes of homeschooling.

I remember our first organized homeschooling class was a fall sport clinic. I went there with such excitement to be meeting local homeschoolers, but was quickly met with blank stares when I went to introduce myself to the field-side moms. I immediately felt like I was back in elementary school, trying to make friends at a new school with a very chilly social environment.

I tried again in the winter at the MFA homeschool classes and made some promising connections, but it was hard to socialize while accompanying my high needs 5 year old through his Artful Adventures class.

Spring came and we tried the Watertown playgroup at Arsenal Park. By then I was already struggling with isolation and worn down a bit by the demands of homeschooling. So arriving at Arsenal and not knowing anyone at a busy, fairly spread out park, was very hard for me to cope with. By then I already knew that there were homeschooling social pitfalls I couldn’t easily predict, which made branching out feel very difficult.

As a second-choice homeschooler, I naturally found more in common with other second-choice homeschoolers. We are a pragmatic bunch. But one of the downsides to making friends with second-choicers was that they might change things up as needs and strengths evolved. Our first homseschool friends all went back to school within the first 2 years of meeting them.

First-choicers are homeschooling for an entirely different set of reasons and had a well formed sense of identity and purpose for their homeschooling family. They weren’t ever going to send their kids to school. This is a lovely set of life choices, and I have always admired and also envied their certainty and preparation. But the difference in our reasons for homeschooling was fundamentally tied to how different we were as people and that inhibited the formation of closer ties.

* Although homeschooling in this area is NOT as racially diverse as the general population.

Stick around for Part 2, coming tomorrow!

Homeschooling is not Homogeneous

Photo by Amber Lamoreaux on Pexels.com

In finding your group, or your tribe, it’s really useful to know who you are. This applies in life AND to homeschooling. Second-choice homeschoolers are at a disadvantage here. We come to homeschooling unexpectedly, sometimes with very little time to prepare.

Us second-choicers know about our own reasons for needing to homeschool, but don’t have a great handle on what first choice homeschoolers are about, nor have we firmed up our own values and conceptions of what we want in our own homeschools. We may even have a pre-conception that homeschooling is generally a single kind of thing, that homeschoolers are mostly alike.

There are several kinds of spectrums of homeschooling including style/method, religion, and class/expenditure. Here’s a brief overview of what’s out there, maybe it will help you find your group.

Style/Method

This spectrum runs from classical education to eclectic to radical unschooling.

Classical education can sometimes be referred to as schooling at home. It is a methodical, highly structured method of education, and often quite time intensive.

Radical unschooling is usually an entirely student-led endeavor. The parents give their children freedom to explore the world and learn about various topics on the child’s timeline, meaning when a child is interested in something, the child can pursue learning about it; the parent won’t dictate when or what a child will learn. Unschooling is sometimes referred to as self-directed education.

Both classical and unschooling homeschoolers often have deeply held values that inform how they structure their homeschool.

Eclectic is a “middle way.” It is characterized by parents who sometimes take a classical approach and sometimes take an unschooling approach. Most eclectic homeschoolers I’ve met are pragmatic and can see benefits from changing approaches at different seasons of homeschooling or with different subjects.

Class/Expenditure

Some homeschoolers are doing what the elite have always done through history, hired private tutors and provided educational experiences that the middle and lower classes cannot access.

In the middle, are parents who can send their children to homeschool enrichment organizations, for example Parts & Crafts in Somerville, and within reason get most classes that they would like from area organizations and obtain almost any curriculum they’re interested in.

At the other end are broke homeschoolers. We are a necessarily resourceful bunch, with low to extremely low budgets. We will sometimes combine resources with other broke homeschoolers. We will search out free, low-cost, or used curriculum. We research all the opportunities available to us to creatively meet the educational needs of our kids. We often create curriculums from library and internet resources. Free is our favorite word, 😀

Religion

This last spectrum is self-explanatory, and can be a touchy subject, so I’ll just leave it at that.

Conclusions

Just like the wider world, sometimes it’s difficult for people with strongly held values and beliefs to find common ground with people who have opposing but equally strong values and beliefs. It can be tricky for people of different classes to spend time together in regular life which applies to homeschooling too.

So my advice for finding your tribe is to figure out who you are and to look for people of similar dispositions. I’m not saying don’t try to work things out with people who are different, but if you find you are out of sync with a certain group of homeschoolers, don’t judge yourself, it’s likely there’s a mis-match.

If you’re in an area where the predominant style/class/religion of homeschoolers doesn’t match your own, it can feel tremendously confusing and isolating. Don’t give up, homeschoolers like you are out there and you can find one another!